Sweetsweetluv

Suddenly thought of you,, i seriously miss you alot alot alot. I regretted for what i did. I regretted for what i've scolded you. I regretted for breaking all my promises. I really regretted. ): I don't know what to do either. For what i've done this past 1 year plus. Majority of what i've done had disappointed you right? But i think you won't give a damn now anyway. Bet you aren't reading my blog anymore ): What's the point. I really regretted for what i've done, if only i do the exact opposite or maybe change some of those "teasings" to i love yous, things won't turn out like it is. Then maybe, i won't even have him as a part of my life, and i won't get hurt once more. I remembered you saying that you won't be like my ex. ): I guess i'm just being too naive ar, everytime i see youl, i just have to act like nothing happen and pretend that i don't care . But everytime how much i wish to tell you that actually i care. I don't know what to do now. I broke all my promises i made to you last time. Every single ones. I surrender to those urges and temptations. i've no self discipline, i fail myself. and i failed you and my family as well as my other friends that really cares about me. Everytime i saw your facebook relationship status changes to single to in a relationship. My heart sank. Everytime i see your friend teasing you liking another girl, i can't do a shit. I just have to pretend that i didn't even see a shit. Thinking that, our "game" has ended. And there's no way to play again . Actually, i do like you more than him. But what to do what to do . ): , now, i don't really need you to be with me. But, at least can we be friends? like giving me a listening ears?!? ): No ones know who i'm talking about, no one knows that. Not even jjxed. cus i know, all my friends will say that i'm stupid i'm dumb, i'm probably crazy to still even think of you. But what can i do ? ): i started hurting myself, my own life, my health. My future. Thinking that all this will bring some attention to you. Will at least remind you that, i actually exist . ): Are you still reading my blog? ):

i'm runing my own life, each time i say i will change and be a good girl. But i'm sick and tired of these promises i made to myself and then breaking it. Guess all of you are also sick and tired of all my so call promises that i'll change right? So i aren't going to say that i'll change. Hate me for all you want people, i'm not going to give a damn. I'm not going to study, i'm going to ruin my own life, i don't intend to live long, so future is now nothing. No one gives a damn, i've no family, what's the use of having good results. What's the use of having good life. I study for the sake of my family. Now they are gone. Vanished. There no more reason for me to carrying on studying anymore. (: